Inside the Actor's Studio: Ganondorf Dragmire
by Vincent M. Pierce
Summary: A parody of Inside the Actor's Studio


LIPTON: "Tonight's guest holds the remarkable distinction of receiving Academy Award Best Actor nominations in three consecutive games. Beginning his career in Gerudo Valley, he has appeared in numerous games and other media for almost 30 years. From The Legend of Zelda, to A Link to the Past, for which he won the Australian Game Institute Award, to Ocarina of Time, for which he received the Australian Game Critic's Award and his second Australian Game Institute Award. The Wind Waker, for which he received his first Academy Award nomination and Golden Globe, British Academy Award, and Chicago Game Critics Association nominations and won the Best Actor awards of the Broadcast Game Critics, the London Game Critics Circle, the Los Angeles Game Critics and the National Board of Review. Four Sword's Adventure, for which he received British Academy Award, Golden Globe and Game Actor's Guild nominations, and won the Blockbuster, Broadcast Game Critics, London Game Critics Awards and the Academy Award. Twilight Princess, for which he received his third Academy Award nomination, and won the Golden Globe, Game Actor's Guild, Broadcast Game Critics and British Academy Awards. And, this is how Time Magazine sums it up: [lipton holds up ganon's time magazine cover as himself, ocarina of time.] The Actor's Studio is proud to welcome Ganondorf Dragmire."

[audience cheers wildly; ganon comes out from backstage, shakes lipton's hand, and then moves to his chair. he remains standing in acknowledgment of the audience cheers and applause.]

LIPTON: I must say this is quite a change from our normal venue of guests. Where did your life begin Ganon?

GANON: I was born in the Gerudo Fortress, Hyrule, uh, which is the capitol of Gerudo Valley.

LIPTON: What is your father's name?

GANON: My father's name is Ganidar Dragmire.

LIPTON: Your mother's name is what?

GANON: My mother's name is Yvonne Dragmire.

LIPTON: And her maiden name was?

GANON: Dolihad, My grandfather, her father, Stonthar Dolihad, who ended up being a supply sergeant for a Gerudo Raiding Unit in the valley, um, grew up with his grandmother who was uh, a full-blood Hylian. So there is Hylian and Gerudo heritage on that side of my mother's family.

LIPTON: What High School did you attend…?

GANON: I didn't, I was home schooled by my parents.

LIPTON: What College did you attend…?

GANON: I attended the Academy of Heroism and Villainy where I earned my PhD in Megalomania and World Conquest.

LIPTON: And who was is you beat for the role of main antagonist in Hyrule?

GANON: [laugh] Believe it or not it was Palpatine who later landed the role as Emperor in the two Star Wars trilogies. We were attending college at the same time and even taking the same classes together, but when I got the job as main antagonist of Hyrule he switched his major from World Conquest to Universal Conquest.

LIPTON: This was also where you first met Link and Princess Zelda?

GANON: Yes, when I heard he had landed the position of Hero of Time for Hyrule I thought it would only be polite to introduce myself since we were going to be mortal enemies soon, onscreen anyway.

LIPTON: And what was Princess Zelda studying for?

GANON: Well she already had a position being the princess of Hyrule, the whole being born into it thing, so she was there taking courses in royal etiquette and protocol.

LIPTON: What was your first onscreen appearance?

GANON: The Legend of Zelda, even though later appearances have been dated as having happened prior to those events The Legend of Zelda was my first onscreen appearance back in 1980.

LIPTON: How much work do you do before you come on the set? Do you work at home with the script? Do you prepare on your own?

GANON: Absolutely. Believe me, being the main antagonist of a realm isn't easy, early to rise late to bed, there's a lot of work involved. I absolutely know that the more I put into the character, the more is apparent on the screen. So for example, in A Link to the Past I was to be in control of an evil mage named Agahnim. Well in order to get a better feel for the role I shadowed Dr. Robotnik on several of his projects to see how the main antagonist handles things when dealing with controlled minions. There's a lot involved in trying to take over a realm onscreen so you really have to study the material. You know, serve the character, not yourself.

LIPTON: There have been a lot of rumors going around the internet and other media sources about your involvement in the little known series of Zelda games for the CD-I, was that you?

GANON: Oh dear god no, I took one look at the script for the games and washed my hands of the whole thing, I saw that bomb coming a mile away. The `Ganon' in those games was actually my stunt double Steve.

LIPTON: How often do you use a stunt double?

GANON: Um, I used to use one a lot at first but the more comfortable I got with the role, plus some working out on my part, I began using a stunt double less and less. Now I rarely use one at all unless the stunt involved is insanely dangerous.

LIPTON: How much weight did you gain for The Wind Waker, Ganon?

GANON: A lot, and I must have been clearing 265, 270 or something like that at the time. I'm only, 6 foot 1, so uh, so that looks gigantic on me. Now that I'm over forty I always have this incredible uphill battle losing weight now. You know? [chuckle] Get a pillow and put it around your middle.

LIPTON: I'd like to ask you a little bit more about Link. You enjoy working with him, don't you?

GANON: Yes, very much so.

LIPTON: Why is that?

GANON: Well for one thing he's a real down to earth guy. You've seen how some of these actors get when their careers take off it goes straight to their head and they can get to be real jerks on set and total basket cases to work with. Link, despite his immense popularity, is still about the same as he was before becoming the Hero of Time, still not much of a talker though.

LIPTON: Let me ask you a question about the final confrontation in the games. They look dangerous….

GANON: Uh, hm.

LIPTON: And they look difficult. Were there any injuries?

GANON: Many.

LIPTON: To you?

GANON: Oh yeah. [laughter] Lot of blood, lot of grazes, scrapes, and bruises, you know, I mean, I've still got, a lot of little scar here and one under my chin, a trick knee due to Twilight Princess. There's a lot of internal stuff, as well, that comes up the older I get, you know. I've had knees go out, both shoulders. Um, you know, I've got a lower back thing that just won't go away, and that's from a couple of bad falls during fight sequences, broke my arm during one fight, twisted my ankle during another. Um, [lipton interjects: jesus christ!] you know, I've got some kind of bone that's messed up in my wrist too, cause every now and then, if I do the wrong thing it'll give me grief for a couple of days. You know, I'm sure there's better ways of getting the job done, but they haven't become apparent to me yet.

LIPTON: You have said that you always approach acting with a character driven mentality. Is that true?

GANON: Yep, once I get into character on set I become the aspiring conqueror of Hyrule, I am the maniac trying to take over the land. It takes me a little while to shake the character when we wrap for the day.

LIPTON: Where is your home?

GANON: It's about an hour south of the North Castle by horse.

LIPTON: And who lives there, normally?

GANON: My parents, my brother George, his wife Danica. Um, my dogs, Din and Naiyru, my horse, Bob.

LIPTON: Paradise?

GANON: It's home. Wasn't till I was sixteen that I lived in a house, you know, so home is very important to me.

LIPTON: We begin our classroom with the questionnaire invented by the great Bernard Pebo. What is your favorite word?

GANON: Fortitudo, it's Latin for courage.

LIPTON: What is your least favorite word?

GANON: Coward

LIPTON: When this goes on the air… what this gentleman gave us tonight is going to ruin your reputation! People will think you're a pussycat. What turns you on?

GANON: Intelligence, I've always been attracted to smart people.

LIPTON: What turns you off?

GANON: Laziness

LIPTON: What sound or noise do you love?

GANON: The wind, growing up in the desert I really enjoy the sound of the wind at night.

LIPTON: What sound or noise do you hate?

GANON: People arguing.

LIPTON: A question I've been waiting nine and a half years to ask you. Ganondorf Dragmire, what is your favorite curse word?

GANON: Well it's not so much the word itself, but how you use it. However I am known for spouting off with "Well f**k me sideways with a two by four!" when I get aggravated. [laughter and applause]

LIPTON: Excellent! What profession, other than yours, would you like to attempt?

GANON: Chef, I've always loved to cook in my spare time, especially meat dishes. Everyone's got their little thing you know, that one thing that you really love to do outside of work that helps to kick back and relax. Some people like fishing, some people like crafts, me, I like to cook in the kitchen or fire up the grill and cook some steaks outside.

LIPTON: Finally, what profession would you absolutely not like to participate in?

GANON: Sanitation.

LIPTON: Here are your students, Ganon.

Amy: Good evening, Mr. Dragmire.

GANON: Good evening, young lady, and your name is?

Amy: My name is Amy, and I'm a second-year director.

GANON: Hello Amy.

Amy: Hello. Is there a role you haven't played that you really want to play, that Hyrule wouldn't normally cast you in?

GANON: You know, if given the chance I might like to play the part of the anti-hero, a role where I'm forced to save Hyrule from a threat greater than myself. After all if anyone's going to take over Hyrule onscreen it's gonna be me.

Leah: Hi.

GANON: Hi!

Leah: [nervous giggle] My name is Leah, and I'm a first-year actor here, and I was just wondering what your thoughts are on how far you champion your opinions as the actor, and when, if ever, you just give up and say, "ok, I'll do what the director wants me to do."

GANON: Wow now that's in interesting question. Kind of an interesting situation for me because you see I use my real name for my onscreen persona, unlike a lot of other actors who adopt screen names, because I don't think many people would have bought a game called `Earl the Hedgehog'. I've had people come up to me in the marketplace in Hyrule and ask me what my real name and I have to tell them it really is Ganondorf Dragmire, so I've spent a good 30 years portraying another version of myself onscreen. Although I use my real name I've gotta allow for the fact that, it isn't my gig, I'm just the actor playing a part. So you have those kinda conversations but they're pleasant. It's not a fight you know? I'm not there to have arguments of that nature with a game director.

James: Hi, Ganon.

GANON: Hi.

James: I'm James, an aspiring game actor.

GANON: Kudos.

James: I was wondering if you could give me any advice about becoming a game actor, because well, I wasn't born in Hyrule or any place like that. Do you, you know, have to come from a place like to land a decent job in the industry?

GANON: No, believe it or not even though I was born in Hyrule what a lot of people don't realize is that Link who plays the Hero of Time, was actually born in Dayton Ohio, then moved to Hyrule after being hired for his part.

James: Wow? Really?

GANON: Absolutely, just like any other acting industry it's not about where you were born, but how well you fit the part they might be looking for at the time, although being from the land you're trying to get a job in doesn't hurt.

[Audience applauds loudly; Ganon shakes Lipton's hand, and then stands and walks off stage as he waves to the crowd.]


End file.
